Thor: The Dark World

Alan Taylor's Thor: The Dark World is stop seven on our road to Doomsday, and the one where the villain gets upstaged by a prisoner. Good things first, because there are plenty. The effects are good, and as usual with Thor movies the costumes and the setting are a treat. Waifu came out warmer than I did, and the whole gap between us is how much the plot bothered me and how much the fights at the end carried her. We'll get to both. Loki first, because that's where the movie lives.

Loki (Tom Hiddleston) arrives in chains for New York and gets the best storyline in the movie again, both emotional and action-filled, all behind illusions. The part Waifu and I both came back for is Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Loki working together: the escape from Asgard, the brother in the passenger seat while Thor flies a stolen Dark Elf ship through every column in the palace. "I think you missed a column" was gold. Hiddleston delivers his lines so naturally that Waifu asked whether it was ad-libbed. If it was, somebody should pay the man twice. And the scene in his cell shows you what's under all the tricks: Thor walks in to spoilerfind the cell tidy and its tenant composed, say "no more illusions," and watch the room turn into what it really is, furniture wrecked, Loki a hot mess on the… Tricksy, Waifu called him, two opposing sides and you get to see all of the range. We know where his story goes by now, and the reveal was still fun on the second lap. A complex character who is really enjoyable to watch. Thor says he wishes he could trust him, and Hiddleston whispers three words ("Trust my rage") that would have had me unlocking the door too.

The escape itself is the other thing we agreed on without discussion. Everybody got something to do: Sif (Jaimie Alexander) gets Jane out, Volstagg (Ray Stevenson) holds off the guards, Fandral (Zachary Levi) has the getaway boat waiting, and Heimdall (Idris Elba) walks up to Odin and reports his own treason to buy them time. His best moment comes earlier, during the attack on Asgard: he leaps at a cloaked ship nobody can see and brings it down with his blades. I cheered. The Dark Elf ships are flying daggers that go through buildings like butter, and the breakout squeezes in a cameo I won't spoil, except to say Loki has excellent taste in costumes. The friends are better used here than last time; Waifu's word was synergy, mine is that each of them has a job for once.

Agreed on the hammer: Mjolnir (Mew-mew, in Darcy's words) spends the last act like a dad in a parking lot, sure the car is around here somewhere. Waifu also loved the funeral Asgard holds halfway through, the boats and the lights going up, because she always loves that part of a fantasy world. It's a beautiful send-off.

Now the villain, and Waifu went first. Malekith (Christopher Eccleston) is, in her words, an afterthought: there was no trace of him in the first Thor, so it feels like someone said "we already have a Thor movie, let's make another one, what should we do, an enemy from the old times?" and went to lunch. My version: a short elf dude whose main power is pointing at others. His army has guns and still prefers to charge into sword range, which explains why there are so few of them left. The one cool one is Kurse (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), who turns into a monster with a stone and very nearly beats Thor; that should have been the final boss, not the guy who wasn't strong before the Aether and isn't scary after it. Even Frigga's fight with him (Rene Russo, and she was cool) doesn't show me she is strong, it shows me the short final boss is weak, which is the opposite of what you want from him. Waifu came in remembering that she didn't remember the enemy, and she's leaving the same way.

Then the coincidences, which is where my score sat down. Just so happened Jane is the one who finds the Aether. Just so happened every teleportation is fruitful. Everything that's supposed to be random between the worlds lands precisely where the plot needs it, like a D&D DM who railroads me. The Nine Realms are a cool idea and a convoluted one, and to fit it in a movie they made everything convenient. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is a casualty of the same writing: the wise one from 2011 is an old grumpy guy now, ready to fight "till the last Asgardian breath," and when Thor asks how that makes him different from Malekith, the answer is "I will win." Waifu chalks it up to grief and age. I don't think the story knows what he's supposed to be. Also jarring: a gunfight in Asgard's throne room, lasers against the protectors of the Nine Realms, who still show up with swords and shields. Waifu's ruling: so weird, so backwards. Mine: at least the shields are pretty.

Jane (Natalie Portman) is the same as last time; she's well played in general. Darcy (Kat Dennings) is the more memorable of the two, and that's before she hires an intern of her own. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård) running naked around Stonehenge with scientific equipment is hilarious, and a nice touch for a man who had a god in his head last movie. Then there's the Thor-and-Jane problem, which is really a Thor problem. Waifu's case: he's back from New York, he checks on Jane through Heimdall every single day, he's at the victory party, and he never pops down. The Bifrost is fixed. She's right there. My defense: he was being avoidant. He didn't know what to say to her, so he focused on work and didn't visit. It's part of a guy's psyche, and as an avoidant male, I get it. Waifu said she'd slap him. Jane beat her to it. Twice.

Waifu also noticed Hemsworth's eyebrows and beard have gone dark brown and declared him improved, more enjoyable here than in Thor or The Avengers. I'm told this is movie criticism. Sif looking Jane up and down split us for about a minute: she thinks you could cut it and nothing changes, I like that it tells you Sif has feelings for Thor without a single line of drama. Really, this one is for the effects, the costumes and the brother, and that's enough to put it above the stop before it (Iron Man 3), because at least there's Loki here. Waifu would come back for him and the fights. I probably won't come back at all, and I still had a good night, which tells you how much work the cast and the costume department did.

Thor: The Dark World: a villain nobody remembers, a brother nobody forgets.